The 2026 MLB Turtle-Wax Awards
Welcome to the 2026 iteration of all the failures of our cherished game.
These are the awards you DON'T want to win
The "AL Central Needs to Disband" Award
[Awarded to the crappiest division in baseball]
Previous winners:
-AL Central 2009, 2011, 2012, 2016, 2018, 2019, 2022, 2023, 2025
-AL West 2010, 2013, 2024
-NL East 2014, 2015, 2017, 2021
--- The American League West: Angels, Astros, Athletics, Mariners, Rangers ---
I never understood the desire many fans have of being like the NFL with 4 divisions per league. With the potential expansion of adding 2 new teams, many propose dividing everyone up into 4 divisions of 4 teams each, to better even out the 32 total teams. The problem with that can be seen in the NFL, where every so often they have a division winner that just does not belong in the playoffs, usually at or below .500. We can accept that in the NFL when you only play 17 games a year, but for baseball, a .500 team in October after 162 games is 1000% unacceptable. And as we see with the AL West Champion Astros, that potential, though rare, can still occur in a division of five. Heck, you had the Yankees and Red Sox matching up in the Wild Card series because God forbid we don't give the worst team the worst seed, no, we gotta make Houston the 3 seed and let them host their own Wild Card series against a team with a better record that annihilated them.
Instead of talking about this sorry collection of teams that we call the AL West, I'll instead take this time to stand on a soapbox and suggest that instead of switching to 4 divisions per league (and only increasing the likelihood of undeserving division winners), we should instead go back to the pre-Wild Card era look of only 2 divisions per league. Let there only be an East and West division champion who get the automatic bye to the Division Series (Make winning the division actually mean something, gasp!) while 4 Wild Card teams fight it out in the 1st round. That would mean each division would have 8 teams each. That's a good thing. Remember when baseball was only 8 teams per league?
Imagine the AL playoff race under a 2 division format. The Rays still win the East, but the White Sox would have been the West champs. Not a huge improvement, but at least they were above .500. Now, most of the AL was still trash and Houston would still be a playoff team, but as the 6 seed going into the buzzsaw in the Bronx while the Guardians would have to play the Red Sox in Fenway...and while we're at it, instead of locking the brackets, let's reseed the brackets after the WC round where the lowest remaining seed must play the 1 seed.
Yes, even in my 2 division per league world, the AL West still wins this award.
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The "What the Hell Happened to You?" Award
[Awarded to the team that fell off the map when they were supposed to be contenders]
Previous winners:
-New York Mets 2009, 2017, 2023
-Seattle Mariners 2010, 2015
-Cincinnati Reds 2011
-Miami Marlins 2012
-Los Angeles Angels 2013, 2021
-Milwaukee Brewers 2014
-Kansas City Royals 2016
-Washington Nationals 2018
-Boston Red Sox 2019
-San Francisco Giants 2022
-Texas Rangers 2024
-Detroit Tigers 2025
--- The New York Mets ---
I really thought this would go to the Toronto Blue Jays, but with the AL so bad overall, the Jays were actually able to compete deep into the season, so instead we turn to baseballs favorite punching bag: the Mets. Look away, Mets fans! The Amazins came into the season with big expectations and even bigger talk about their chances, but consistently showed they have no idea how to play fundamental baseball and were out of the race by May. Once again, we point out the joke that Juan Soto chose the Mets over the Yankees because he wanted Octobers off.
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The "Shut Your Damn Mouth" Award
[Awarded to whoever talked too much without backing it up]
Previous winners:
-Chicago Cubs; 2009 team, 2011 Carlos Zambrano
-MLB Network 2010
-Boston Red Sox; 2012 team, 2015 team, 2016 fans
-New York Mets; 2013 Jordany Valdespin, 2019 Brodie Van Wagenen, 2021 team, 2025 team
-Keith Olberman (ESPN) 2014
-Yasiel Puig (LAD) 2017
-San Francisco Giants 2018
-Houston Astros 2020
-Tim Anderson (CWS) 2022, 2023
-John Fisher (OAK) 2024
--- Umpire Doug Eddings ---
Every player remembers their MLB debut. It's the greatest day of their professional life to that point and now you even get a little patch on your uniform to commemorate the occasion. Well, Hancel Rincon had a memorable debut for sure on September 4th...for all the wrong reasons. He entered the game in the bottom of the 6th with the visiting Cardinals up 4-1 over the Colorado Rockies. After getting a lineout, he proceeds to surrender a Triple (scoring on a wild pitch after) and an inside the park homer, with both hits not helped much by poor defense behind him. Tough luck and some jitters, not the most uncommon situation for a rookie, but what makes it the more...interesting was that during the at bat where he surrendered the inside the park homer, Umpire Doug Eddings called time and ordered Rincon to straighten up his crooked hat. Edding later claimed he has the right to order such an adjustment (he doesn't) especially when the batter points out such a distraction (he didn't).
So after the homer, the next guy singles and the Rockies have the tying run on base with only 1 out. This is where Manager Oliver Marmol comes in to take his rookie pitcher out and change pitchers. After making the change, but before returning to the dugout, Marmol wants to have a few words with Eddings over needlessly making a big deal over the rookie's crooked hat. Eddings doesn't appreciate being called out over it and the two exchange a few words, then Eddings decides to call a pitch clock violation against St. Louis, prompting Marmol to chirp at Eddings from the dugout. Expletives get exchanged, Eddings tossed Marmol, Marmol comes back out to exchange more bad words and mock Eddings and his big feelings, the crowd loves it like they love all post ejection arguments from Managers.
Then the real controversy occurs. When the game eventually restarts, the Rockies manage to tie the score and a play occurs where there is a tag attempt at the plate. With Eddings in perfect position to see the tag applied before the runner scores, he calls the runner safe and the Rockies take a 5-4 lead. Despite it being a clear out play, Eddings showed he was still sore about everything that had happened so he gifted the Rockies a free run. Ultimately, the Cardinals came back and won the game, but Eddings was in hot water enough without a controversial win being gifted to the wrong team.
MLB stepped in, reiterated that Eddings had no right to correct Rincon on his hat position, and reprimanded the Umpire for an embarrassing display, complete with Eddings having to issue a formal apology to the Cardinals rookie. MLB almost never steps in when their umpires make a mistake, which shows just how badly Eddings was on that night. When the league needs to enter the chat over your behavior, that's as clear a sign as any that you need to shut your damn mouth.
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The "This Years Miracle, Next Years Rangers" Award
[Awarded to the team that made a surprise playoff run this year, and will fall short next year]
Previous winners:
-Colorado Rockies 2009
-Tampa Bay Rays 2010, 2011, 2022
-Baltimore Orioles 2012
-Cleveland Indians 2013, 2016
-Kansas City Royals 2014
-Houston Astros 2015, 2023
-Minnesota Twins 2017
-Oakland Athletics 2018
-St Louis Cardinals 2019
-San Francisco Giants 2021
-Detroit Tigers 2024
-Boston Red Sox 2025
--- The Houston Astros ---
This was inevitable. The Astros only made the playoffs because everyone else in the West were much worse. The Mariners stalled out a bit, but if they compensate with proper expectation for Raleigh (more on that in a bit) they can easily return to the pennant hunt and send the Astros packing back into obscurity...or Houston can fall back on their trash can tactics.
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The "AAA Team In Disguise" Award
[Awarded to a team that might have better luck in AAA]
Previous winners:
-Washington Nationals 2009
-Pittsburgh Pirates 2010, 2020, 2021
-Boston Red Sox 2011
-Houston Astros 2012
-Miami Marlins 2013, 2018
-Texas Rangers 2014
-Philadelphia Phillies 2015
-Minnesota Twins 2016
-Detroit Tigers 2017, 2019
-Oakland Athletics 2022, 2023
-Chicago White Sox 2024
-Tampa Bay Rays 2025
--- The Sacramento Athletics ---
The [no name found] Athletics played in a terrible division and still couldn't compete. Playing in a minor league park might be having an effect on their minds, but perhaps when they move into their new home in Vegas, they'll play like a big league team again, but for now they must accept their minor league reality.
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The "Dull Knife in the Drawer" Award
[Awarded to the biggest mental error this year]
Previous winners:
-Washington Nationals; 2009 team
-Chicago White Sox; 2010 Barak Obama, 2024 Lenyn Sosa
-San Francisco Giants; 2011 Brian Sabean, 2016 Buster Posey
-Oakland Athletics; 2012 Derek Norris
-Houston Astros; 2013 Mark Pagnozzi
-New York Yankees; 2014 Michael Pineda, 2018 Gary Sanchez
-Los Angeles Angels; 2015 Arte Moreno, 2020 Jo Adell
-Boston Red Sox; 2017 David Price, 2023 team
-Toronto Blue Jays; 2019 Brandon Drury and Teoscar Hernandez
-Pittsburgh Pirates; 2021 team
-Detroit Tigers; 2022 team
-Atlanta Braves; 2025 Eli White
--- Clayton McCullough of the Miami Marlins ---
So on July 5th, a young pitcher for the Marlins named Eury Perez took to the mound against the Athletics and was on his game. Seven innings of absolute perfection ensued, with the Marlins backing him with plenty of offense to make the score 8-0. As the game entered the bottom of the 8th, everyone expected Perez to return to the mound to chase that Perfect Game, but instead it was a Reliever entering. Was Perez hurt? He was out not too long ago for about a month over a leg injury...did the leg start to hurt again? No. Perez left the game 6 outs away from perfection because his Manager decided his pitch count was reached.
True, this was only Eury's 3rd start since sitting out a month and the pitch count was apart of stretching him out again, but this wasn't the 5th or 6th inning. The game was in the 8th. Perez had thrown 86 pitches in his last start before this, so the 92 he was sitting at was pretty much the same, so it's not like you couldn't risk a little more. Heck, you could make an argument if this were just a no-hitter, but situations change when a guy has a perfecto going! All you needed was one mistake from Perez (safely up 8-0 I might add, so no risk of losing the game...yet) and you could pull him with no question from anyone, but instead of giving the young pitcher a chance at a career highlight in a season where Miami was otherwise a longshot at best for the playoffs.
So not only did McCullough cost his pitcher a shot at immortality, but the decision nearly cost the Marlins the game. The Athletics, after having no answer for 21 straight batters, would unleash all their frustration on the bullpen, scoring 5 in the 8th, then 3 more in the 9th. If it weren't for an insurance run score in the top of the 9th, the Marlins would've blown their massive lead and potentially lost the game. The crowd in Sacramento spoke for all of baseball when they shouted "Shame!" at McCullough for his mind boggling move.
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The "Results May Vary" Award
[Awarded to a player/team that didn't live up to the hype]
Previous winners:
-Washington Nationals; 2010 Stephen Strasburg
-Boston Red Sox; 2011 Carl Crawford, 2014 team
-Los Angeles Dodgers; 2012 team, 2024 Yoshinobu Yamomoto
-Toronto Blue Jays 2013
-Seattle Mariners; 2015 Robinson Cano
-San Diego Padres 2016
-Milwaukee Brewers; 2017 Eric Thames
-Los Angeles Angels; 2018 Shohei Ohtani, 2020 Mike Trout, 2022 team, 2023 team
-Philadelphia Phillies; 2019 Bryce Harper
-MLB Pitchers 2021
-San Francisco Giants; 2025 Raphael Devers
--- Cal Raleigh of the Seattle Mariners ---
Aaron Judge was pretty much injured all year, and lord knows that Mariners fans wished it happened last year because it would have meant Raleigh wouldn't have been bested for MVP. What about this year? Raleigh was healthy, he just had none of the power he showed when he hit 60 Home Runs in 2025. That .247 Average that killed his MVP hopes in '25 also got much worse as he hit only .182. Even for what a typical Raleigh season was if you ignore his 2025 surge, his 2026 was bad. Real bad. Perhaps having such impossible expectations psyched poor Cal out, but one can only hope that he can get back to his typical 25-30 homers and .200 Average numbers. Cal isn't an MVP type guy, but he an be serviceable as long as Mariners fans don't assume he's Babe Ruth in catchers gear.
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The "Go Stand in the Corner!" Award
[Awarded to the most standout suspension of the season]
Previous winners:
-Milwaukee Brewers; 2013 Ryan Braun
-New York Yankees; 2014 Alex Rodriguez, 2017 Austin Romine, 2019 Clint Fraizer, 2023 Domingo German
-Washington Nationals; 2015 Jonathan Papelbon
-Texas Rangers; 2016 Rougned Odor
-Houston Astros; 2018 Ken Giles, 2025 Cesar Salazar
-Los Angeles Dodgers; 2020 Joe Kelly, 2024 Shohei Ohtani
-Coronavirus 2021
-Cleveland Guardians; 2022 Myles Straw
--- Emmanuel Clase and Luis Ortiz of the Cleveland Guardians ---
Crime: Gambling conspiracy that includes allegations of pitch rigging, wire fraud, money laundering and bribery.
Time: Dude, forget baseball, the feds are gonna lock you up for a long time.
Sports betting has become a big deal, and all sports are dealing with controversies where their players are making shady decisions in order to ensure certain outcomes occur in games. Just like in 1919, the authorities don't take kindly to that kind of thing and Clase and Ortiz found themselves in the crosshairs of a federal investigation. MLB immediately put them on the unpaid leave list indefinitely while the duo pleaded not-guilty to their charges. The trial is set to begin this month, giving us all some entertainment to begin the offseason. There will not be separate trials, which is a bad sign for the defendants. Usually you see prosecutors offer immunity to the small fry to get him to flip on the other guy in order to secure a guilty verdict. For both men to stand trial together means the prosecution feels very confident about their chances.
Clase seems to be going for a lifetime achievement award as he was previously suspended for the 2020 season over failing a PED test. To my knowledge, he never got a suspension for intentionally throwing at a batter, otherwise he would get the hat trick.
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The "Just Retire Already!" Award
[Awarded to the player on the wrong side of their prime]
Previous winners:
-New York Mets; 2015 Bartolo Colon
-Free Agent; 2016 Alex Rodriguez
-Minnesota Twins; 2017 Bartolo Colon
-Seattle Mariners; 2018 Felix Hernandez
-Baltimore Orioles; 2019 Chris Davis
-Houston Astros; 2021 Justin Verlander, 2024 Justin Verlander
-Washington Nationals; 2022 Nelson Cruz
-Umpire; 2023 Angel Hernandez
-Colorado Rockies; 2025 Kris Bryant
--- Carlos Santana of the Arizona Diamondbacks ---
The 17 year veteran signed on for 2026 with the Arizona Diamondbacks, played about 8 games before he got hurt. He was DFA'd and released before the Atlanta Braves signed him to a minor league deal where he failed to earn a callup to the bigs before the Braves released him. To my knowledge, he has not announced retirement, meaning he feels that he can still find a job somewhere at 40. My friend, it's over.
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The "Milwaukee L Flag" Award
[Awarded to the most brainless postseason moment]
Previous winners:
-Milwaukee Brewers 2025
--- Aaron Boone of the New York Yankees ---
Game 3 of the ALDS, the Yankees are down 0-2 in the series and desperately need a win to keep their season alive. They also have Ben Rice, one of baseballs leaders in OPS during the regular season, and had been raking in the playoffs to this point. In fact, in just 5 postseason games he would lead all of baseball in Home Runs for the playoffs. A guy like him who could get on base would be invaluable to have leading off this game...instead Aaron Boone pencils in Trent Grisham as the leadoff hitter...a man who was 2-10 at this point in the postseason and with many fans questioning why he was still getting starts while Heliot Ramos sat on the bench.
But before we explore that decision further, we must look back farther for Trent Grisham. After 2025, Grisham was set to be a free agent. With Aaron Judge and Cody Bellinger very well entrenched in the lineup, and a couple young prospects ready to take the next step while Giancarlo Stanton holding the DH spot, it seemed that this would be it for Grisham's time in the Bronx...but Brian Cashman offered Grisham a qualifying offer which Grisham jumped all over. I mention Cashman in an award condemning Boone because if you ask most Yankees fans, they'll tell you that Cashman and Boone share the same brain when it comes to roster and lineup configuration, or how Boone is simply letting the people above him make the decisions. You could also lump in Hal Steinbrenner, the Owner, but we're digressing enough here.
So Grisham is in New York for another season, causing a logjam on the roster and keeping young talent from advancing and earning a spot. Grisham wasn't exactly a sparkplug for the Yankees either, as they fell short again for the AL East crown and had to settle for a Wild Card spot. And while the Yankees were abusing the Boston Red Sox in the Wild Card round, Grisham was the exception to the offensive outburst. That's mistake #1 the Yankees made as they entered the ALDS. It would be a no-brainer to remove the one batter in the lineup who simply couldn't hit, but Boone stuck with Grisham. And then, with the season on the line, Boone not only continued to stay with Grisham, but he also moved him up to bat 1st.
Grisham's performance in Game 3 was nothing new. 0-5 and he struck out 3 times, including in the final at bat to officially end the season. Seemed fitting that he would be the final out, almost to bookend the frustrations that his qualifying offer started with. This is on Boone mostly though. You bump down your best hitter so Grisham can give 5 free outs away, knowing full well his bat is frozen. Major L for the Yankee skipper.
