Homer at the Bat

 As baseballs postseason screams to it's finale, and we await to find out who is gonna raise the trophy in victory, let us look back at one of the greatest collection of players to be a winner. Of course I'm talking about the ringers for the Nuclear Power Plant team during the 1992 Springfield Softball season.

Springfield bullied their way through the regular season, mostly on the power of Homer Simpson and his Wonder Bat. But when it came to the championship game, Mr Burns entered into a wager with the rival Shelbyville Power Plant. With $1,000,000 on the line, Burns decided to "cheat" and hire 9 ringers to help ensure victory. He gave Smithers 24 hours to recruit the best the baseball world had to offer...

The ace of the staff was Roger Clemens, one of the most prolific strikeout pitchers of all time (questionable tactics notwithstanding). His fastball at the time was so potent, that he destroyed Wonder Bat with one pitch.

Behind the plate was Mike Scioscia. People forget that before Mike Piazza dominated the all star ballot in LA, Scioscia was holding down the fort for the Dodgers, collecting rings and getting ready to pass the torch. Mike must've learned a thing or two from his manager, Mr. Burns, because he too went on to become a championship winning manager.

The other future manager on this team was Don Mattingly. This elite defender held down 1st base and batted right in the heart of the order, despite some perceived issues with authority on the team.

Batting leadoff for the team was Steve Sax. This speedy 2nd baseman was used to the nomadic life at this stage of his career. He had recently gone from the Dodgers to the Yankees, and was about to sign with the White Sox before deciding to take his talents to Springfield briefly.

Over at the hot corner was Wade Boggs. While the regulars on the Springfield team were dismayed at the arrival of the ringers, they could learn a lesson from Boggs, who also started off as an overlooked non-prospect before turning himself into the elite defending batting beast you see here.

While everyone marvels at the offensive prowess of the ringers, Shortstop Ozzie Smith goes to show that Smithers did his homework to make sure the defense was just as elite. Smith completes this unrelenting defensive infield with his always entertaining athletics on the field to compliment his fantastic 12 on-base.

Not the first time this Canseco card has been featured, and it goes to show how deserving Canseco was in being the cleanup hitter of this lineup. Great pop in his bat, and he runs like his feet were on fire...

Leading the outfield was Griffey Jr. Even at a young age, Smithers knew of his potential when he recruited him. Just a 20+ for homers seems so unusual, almost as if Griffey would need the assistance of a performance enhancer....No, not steroids, something more like a drink to help him focus...

Finally, the always dangerous Darryl Strawberry patrols Rightfield. The Straw was the personal favorite on the team for Mr. Burns, and it showed as he was penciled in to bat third on this team of studs. I believe to this day the 9 home runs he hit in the championship game is a record.

Now the biggest challenge for any team is keeping them healthy and on the field. Be it 162 games or just 1, you must always be ready for mishaps to occur. Burns was no fool. He even entertained the possibility of misfortunes happening to his team of all stars before the big game. He predicted that as many as seven misfortunes could happen to his players before game time, but no way that all nine players would run into trouble.

And he was right.

Anyone remember how the OKC bomber was caught? A routine traffic stop. Steve Sax fell victim to that as well. And that, my friend, is how *every* un-solved crime in Springfield became case closed. He probably left the Yankees and signed with Chicago before he got every crime in NY pinned on him as well.

Mike Scioscia had a passion. Sure, he loved baseball, but playing for Springfield offered him a chance at his true dream: working in a Nuclear Power Plant. Unfortunately, lax safety standards (the plant's Safety Inspector was a little too busy carrying the team to the championship game) gave Mike a heavy dose of radiation poisoning.

Either the success of a promising career went to his head, or Ken Griffey Jr suffered one of the very rare side effects of his PED use and got gigantism. Either way, he was in no condition to play.

If his excuse is true, then Canseco is a hero. Skipping the game to save a woman's poor baby from a burning building...and her cat...and her player piano...and her washer...and dryer...uh...
Personally, I think he made the story up and missed the game because he was too busy having sexual relations with a grade school teacher...

Politics is always a touchy subject to bring up in a bar. That goes double for British politics with Barney Gumble. If Wade Boggs didn't have such a glass jaw, he still might've been able to make the game.

Ozzie Smith was on vacation when Smithers recruited him for the ringer team. He should have hung up the camera while tending to business, but instead he got distracted by a scam attraction and was trapped in the void when he should have been manning the field.

Mr. Burns had hired a hypnotist to try and help the mental conditioning of his players, but poor Roger Clemens lacked the mental fortitude to not slip into an altered mind set. Him clucking like a chicken wouldn't have been so bad if he still could have hurled a fastball.

Mr. Burns was correct when he predicted maybe seven mishaps occurring to his players. Darryl Strawberry and Don Mattingly still made it in time for the big game, but sadly Burns had to toss Mattingly off the team for disciplinary reasons. Something about not adhering to the teams facial hair policy, which is odd considering that he professionally played for the Yankees and their already strict views on facial hair.

Strawberry not only arrived safe and sound to the game, but also kept in good favor with the manager to stay in the starting lineup. He was needed as it appeared that Shelbyville had ringers of their own and despite Strawberry's 9 home runs the score was still deadlocked at 43-43 in the bottom of the 9th. Strawberry was up to bat with the bases loaded and a chance to walk it off, but Mr. Burns had a Bobby Cox moment and decided to play the percentages, sending up right handed hitting Homer Simpson as a pinch hitter to face the lefty thrower on the mound. As crazy as it sounded, it worked as the pitcher beans Homer and Springfield indeed walks off with the championship.