The 2024 MLB Turtle-Wax Awards
This is one of my longest standing baseball traditions. Way back in 2009 when I had a fan blog hosted on MLB.com, I started an end-of-year award post mocking the worst in baseball. I didn't stay on that blog too long, but when I was running my writing blog, I kept the award show going. Now that I've been putting in serious time in on this project of Showdown cards, I've decided to bring the awards in here and incorporate Showdown cards in the process. Check out the awards history here, but for now I'll bring it in for the 3rd hosting venue.
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[The 2024 MLB Turtle-Wax Awards]These are the awards you DON'T want to win.
The "AL Central Needs to Disband" Award
Awarded to the crappiest division in baseball
[Previous winners: AL Central 2009, 2011, 2012, 2016, 2018, 2019, 2022, 2023; AL West 2010, 2013; NL East 2014, 2015, 2017, 2021]
---The American League West: Angels, Astros, Athletics, Mariners, Rangers---
This was a close decision. The AL Central fought like hell to retain their title, but a historically bad White Sox team wasn't enough to overcome an overall mediocre division out west. The Astros were bland, and in any other division wouldn't even have come close to winning, the A's and Angels did their usual sleepwalk through the season, the Rangers regressed bad and the Mariners were...well, the Mariners. The clincher was that no matter how "good" you think the Astros are, they're a distant 3rd place finisher in either other AL division.
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The "What the Hell Happened to You?" Award
Awarded to the team that fell off the map when they were supposed to be contenders
[Previous winners: New York Mets 2009, 2017, 2023; Seattle Mariners 2010, 2015; Cincinnati Reds 2011; Miami Marlins 2012, Los Angeles Angels 2013, 2021; Milwaukee Brewers 2014; Kansas City Royals 2016; Washington Nationals 2018; Boston Red Sox 2019; San Francisco Giants 2022]
---The Texas Rangers---
There is no way you can go from defending World Series champions to non-contender without getting scrutinized badly for it. Do you know how many salty Trashtros fans are coping for their failure last season by telling themselves that they were right about the 2023 Rangers being flukes? Get it together!
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The "Shut Your God Damn Mouth" Award
Awarded to whoever talked too much without backing it up
[Previous winners: 2009 Chicago Cubs, 2010 MLB Network, 2011 Carlos Zambrano (CHC), 2012 Boston Red Sox, 2013 Jordany Valdespin (NYM), 2014 Keith Olberman (ESPN), 2015 Boston Red Sox, 2016 Boston Red Sox fans, 2017 Yasiel Puig (LAD), 2018 San Francisco Giants, 2019 Brodie Van Wagenen (NYM), 2020 Houston Astros, 2021 New York Mets, 2022-2023 Tim Anderson (CWS)]
---John Fisher of the Oakland Athletics---
This season was the last season of the Athletics in Oakland. They'll spend a few nomadic years in Sacramento before moving to their new home in Vegas, and recently team owner John Fisher has been making excuses and rationalizing. This move has been a process in the making, not a sudden and unavoidable tragedy, so to claim that there was nothing that could be done to prevent it is just dishonesty on the owners part. Vegas is a sexy destination as of late; they got an NHL expansion not too long ago and the Raiders of the NFL moved there (also from Oakland), but instead of being honest about things, Fisher wants to come out like an unfortunate victim. I'm sure both sides have their fault in this debate, but Fisher is anything but pure and innocent.
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The "This Years Miracle, Next Years Rangers" Award
Awarded to the team that made a surprise playoff run this year, and will fall short next year
[Previous winners: Colorado Rockies 2009; Tampa Bay Rays 2010, 2011, 2022; Baltimore Orioles 2012; Cleveland Indians 2013, 2016; Kansas City Royals 2014; Houston Astros 2015, 2023; Minnesota Twins 2017; Oakland Athletics 2018; St Louis Cardinals 2019; San Francisco Giants 2021]
---The Detroit Tigers---
The Tigers sucked this year, so badly that even with expanded playoffs they were sellers at the trade deadline. But then they went on a winning streak, played certain teams at the right time and other times got to play the White Sox. Reality will prove to be a cruel mistress in 2025.
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The "This Years Twins, Next Years Miracle" Award
Awarded to a team that sucked this year, but can make a run next year
[Previous winners: 2009 Chicago White Sox, 2010 Chicago White Sox, 2011 Washington Nationals, 2012 Seattle Mariners, 2013 New York Yankees, 2014 Chicago Cubs, 2015 Detroit Tigers, 2016 New York Yankees, 2017 San Francisco Giants, 2018 Philadelphia Phillies, 2019 Toronto Blue Jays, 2021 Cincinnati Reds, 2022 Cincinnati Reds, 2023 New York Yankees]
---Award Cancelled---
Its not quite in the spirit of "awards you don't want to win" if one of them gives you hope for the future...
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The "AAA Team In Disguise" Award
Awarded to a team that might have better luck in AAA
[Previous winners: Washington Nationals 2009; Pittsburgh Pirates 2010, 2020, 2021; Boston Red Sox 2011; Houston Astros 2012; Miami Marlins 2013, 2018; Texas Rangers 2014; Philadelphia Phillies 2015; Minnesota Twins 2016; Detroit Tigers 2017, 2019; Oakland Athletics 2022, 2023]
---The Chicago White Sox---
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The "Dull Knife in the Drawer" Award
Awarded to the biggest mental error this year
[Previous winners: 2009 Washington Nati(o)nals, 2010 Barak Obama, 2011 Brian Sabean (SF), 2012 Derek Norris (OAK), 2013 Mark Pagnozzi (HOU), 2014 Michael Pineda (NYY), 2015 Arte Moreno (LAA), 2016 Buster Posey (SFG), David Price (BOS), 2018 Gary Sanchez (NYY), 2019 Brandon Drury/Teoscar Hernandez (TOR), 2020 Jo Adell (LAA), 2021 Pittsburgh Pirates, 2022 Detroit Tigers, 2023 Boston Red Sox]
---Lenyn Sosa of the Chicago White Sox---
This is more of a team award, because the White Sox set a record with their 121 losses, but Sosa's moment perfectly capture the essence of the ChiSox season when he took a casual warmup throw from the Catcher right in the face.
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The "Results May Vary" Award
Awarded to a player/team that didn't live up to the hype
[Previous winners: 2010 Stephen Strasburg (WAS), 2011 Carl Crawford (BOS), 2012 Los Angeles Dodgers, 2013 Toronto Blue Jays, 2014 Boston Red Sox, 2015 Robinson Cano (SEA), 2016 San Diego Padres, 2017 Eric Thames (MIL), 2018 Shohei Ohtani (LAA), 2019 Bryce Harper (PHI), 2020 Mike Trout (LAA), 2021 Pitchers, 2022 Los Angeles Angels, 2023 Los Angeles Angels]
---Yoshinobu Yamomoto of the Los Angeles Dodgers---
THIS guy was the must have pitcher of the offseason, and while putting forth a respectable 3.00 ERA and 7-2 record, he only made 18 starts in the regular season. The Dodgers were fine for the most part, mainly because Ohtani was forced to stop pretending to be 2-way player and got to focus on just being a great hitter, but Yamamoto was supposed to pitch like the price tag suggested.
What is it anyway with these Japanese pitchers coming to America just to get hurt...or perhaps just to acknowledge they're hurt...
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The "Ozzie Kind of Crazy" Award
Awarded to the manager who had the most entertaining season to watch
[Previous winners: 2012 Bobby Valentine (BOS), 2013 Joe Girardi (NYY), 2014 Kirk Gibson (ARI), 2015 Matt Williams (WAS), 2016 Joe Girardi (NYY), 2017 Brad Ausmus (DET), 2018 Kevin Cash (TB), 2019 Aaron Boone (NYY), 2021 Aaron Boone (NYY), 2022 Joe Girardi (PHI), 2023 Buck Showalter (NYM)]
---Award Cancelled---
Let's be real. The old school manager doesn't really exist anymore. It's all about analytics deciding things that most managers would play their gut by. There aren't going to be any Ozzie Guillen managers anymore...
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The "Go Stand in the Corner!" Award
Awarded to the most standout suspension of the season
[Previous winners: 2013 Ryan Braun (MIL), 2014 Alex Rodriguez (NYY), 2015 Jonathan Papelbon (WAS), 2016 Rougned Odor (TEX), 2017 Austin Romine (NYY), 2018 Ken Giles (HOU), 2019 Clint Fraizer (NYY), 2020 Joe Kelly (LAD), 2021 Coronavirus, 2022 Myles Straw (CLE), 2023 Domingo German (NYY)]
---Shohei Ohtani of the Los Angeles Dodgers---
Crime: Betting on baseball
Time: [error 404 punishment not found]
Ohtani seems to be a greedy greedy man. When caught making bets on baseball, the entire world held their breath to find out his punishment, only to see MLB back off from the controversy and let Ohtani's translator take the fall. MLB didn't want to suspend their most marketable star, so they made the financial decision to turn their gaze away and pretend nothing happened. Real fans know what happened, and as much as the league tries to ignore us, real fans won't let Ohtani forget any time soon.
There were other, actual suspensions this season, but Ohtani's lack of a suspension was the standout one.
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The "Just Retire Already!" Award
Awarded to the player on the wrong side of their prime
[Previous winner: 2015 Bartolo Colon (NYM), 2016 Alex Rodriguez (FA), 2017 Bartolo Colon (MIN), 2018 Felix Hernandez (SEA), 2019 Chris Davis (BAL), 2021 Justin Verlander (HOU), 2022 Nelson Cruz (WAS), 2023 Angel Hernandez]
---Justin Verlander of the Houston Astros---
Father time keeps slapping Justin Verlander in the face with injuries, as this isn't the first time he's won this award, but Justin keeps coming back. Reminds me of a certain other old man pitcher for Houston who pitched beyond his 40th birthday to great fanfare. I wonder what the secret was for Mr. Roger Clemens...
If no other reason, Verlander's performance this year was pretty abysmal. An ERA well over 5.00 is not Verlander kinds of pitching. Houston is thankful they play in a bad division this year, or their crawl to the division title might've required them to find a better pitcher.
If no other reason, Verlander's performance this year was pretty abysmal. An ERA well over 5.00 is not Verlander kinds of pitching. Houston is thankful they play in a bad division this year, or their crawl to the division title might've required them to find a better pitcher.
